Yesterday was one month. I still can't believe it. I keep hoping you come through the door. Where are you?Mom misses you so much. My life is just not the same. I have a heaviness that I can't shake. I try not to cry. I try to be positive. Everything happens for a reason. What is the reason so i can understand. So many people are trying to help me. I'm trying to be strong. I can't do this. I can't find my normalcy without you. I can't sleep. I just wander in this empty house. I don't know how to live to move on without you. It's no fair that all I have are memories and pictures. I want you. We were supposed to go see Chris Angel. I wanted to take you. We were supposed to start vacationing. I was gonna get your passport soon. Now its just me and Kodi. Life has never been fair for you. My baby come back to me......

I can't sleep anymore. I know its because all my hurt and my pain. You were loved so much. Everything reminds me of you. I see all the garbage cans and think of you. I would always have to remind you about the garbage. Now I have to take it out. I'm so sad-from the pits of my soul. If you saw dad and me yesterday. I'm sorry. I'm embarrassed. He was so mean to me. I'm sure you see it. Buddy is finally better. I know he misses you too. Who's feet does he lick now?Joe is coming. I wish he could have met you. He would of liked you I'm sure. Who didn't like you. I feel so empty on days like this. You such a big part of my life. Why did you leave me?

Kayel I miss you so much today and every day. I miss watching the Arrow, Flash, and Gotham with you. I have caught up on all of them except Gotham. Tomorrow the Hobbit comes out. We were supposed to see that together. You were the one who got me to watch the Lord of the Rings. Kodi is coming home soon. It will be my first Christmas without you. I didn't put up a tree. I probably never will. I miss talking to you. I miss having breakfast, lunch, and dinner with you. Those were the times that we got to talk about everything. I finished my thank you cards. It hurt because I had to tell people about you and your greatness. You should be here to show them. I don't understand why my baby had to leave me so soon. I loved you so much. I yelled and complained so much because of my love. I wanted the best for you. I wanted you to push yourself to be the Richard you could be. I always was there pushing you. I was always there to pick you up if you fell. This is so hard. I try to be strong. You mom has been so strong for so long. I'm just done. My life has been so hard. I have struggled for so long. I did it because of you and Kodi.You were my breath of fresh air-now I can't breathe. Who is Kodi gonna slap when he gets home? You were the best big brother ever. You were the best son ever. I don't understand why. I can't see the big picture yet. I'm sure one day I will. Till I see you again my son, know that I love you and miss you with everything I have.

I only cried once today. I tried to keep myself busy by cleaning. I had to pledge the wood because you weren't here to do your job. You wouldn't believe this but I haven't cleaned in almost 3 weeks. I think that is a record. Since everything that happened with you, I just havent' wanted to. I moved the couch and found more of your medicine. I was so upset because you must not have taken the medicine for almost two weeks by the amount I found in your drawers, under the couch cushions, and under the cough. I personally handed them to you. Why didn't you take them? I could still have you here to yell at. I promised not to be mad anymore. I'm just so hurt. You broke me. I can't live without you. I can't even go in your room. I check to see if you are still there. I have your ashes still. Please tell me where you want me to spread them. Help me. I'm so lost. I found the workout you wrote for me. I will do them-I promise. Also I found the song you told me to listen to. I promise I will. I don't want to watch wrestling anymore because that was our thing. I miss just hanging out with you and listening to your stories. I miss going out to eat with you on my pay days. I have to take the garbage out now. I love you my son no matter where you are at. I will never stop. I can't wait until I see you again.

Hi,Kayel. I thought of you with love today,yesterday, and days before that too. All I have are sweet memories of you. I know God has you in his keeping but I have you in my heart. I know your near even if we don't see you. God called you home to be the angel that watches over us. We will be with you again and this time it will be forever. Kayel I know your mom needs you more than anything. Please give her the strength to get by each day. I have been praying more then ever for your mom. We are all worried about your mom,she an amazing women which you know. I would like to ask for you to say hello to my kids dad and that we miss him so much,to please watch over me,Angel,Orlando,and Ariel. To give me the strength to be the best mom. We love you Kayel and You are truly missed.

Kayel-your Buddy misses you. He has been acting crazy since you left. He pooped 2 times in the house today. I wanted to kill him. I guess he is the one who will love you foever. I had a break down today. The pain from missing you is too unbearable. I just want to be by myself. I just want to sleep. You were my sunshine and now all my days are filled with darkness. I'm trying to be strong but I'm tired of being strong. Help me if you can. I love you big boy-never forget that

Kayel I miss you. Come home to me my son. I miss laughing with you. You were always such a jokester. My house is so empty without you here. No friends come to visit anymore. I had to walk the dogs by myself. I eat by myself. I shop by myself. Remember you use to complain because I would say I only had to go to 2 stores but it always ended up being more. My groceries only came out to $17. Gas is cheap now so I wouldn't even have to complain about you using my car. I am still mad at you for not taking your meds. You never understood that when I yelled or complained it was because I loved you. I hope I told you enough how much I loved you. I hope that I gave you enough hugs. I know I feed you enough. Well the arrow is getting good. Rajah Goul is gonna be on there and the suicide squad -you missing it. I'm gonna have to delete all the series that you dvr cuz it makes me really sad. Jesse has been checking up on me. Grams too. Maybe too much but I know that they are worried. I want to hug you today and play in your hair just like you liked. I miss you an awful lot. Your in trouble and I am gonna hang you by your pinky toes for not listening to me. I love you big boy. I miss you hanging out with me. You were messy, you were a bum, you didn't shower regularly, you didn't brush you teeth everyday, and you drove me nuts but I loved everything about you.

we all love you!

I wanted to stop and buy you a doughnut today. I forgot your not here anymore. I was at Thorton's and I almost bought a scratch off for you. I keep forgetting you are not mine anymore. Big boy I promised not to be mad at you but I lied. I mad that you didn't take you meds. I still want you here with me. Yesterday I watched "The Arrow" with Jesse. I missed you. I wanted you to watch it with us. I saw the commercials For the "Hobbit". We were suppose to go see it together. You know me paying for everything and you being a bum. We worked so well together.I hear so many songs and think of you so often. I keep waiting for you to come home but you won't. Why Kayel?Why won't you come home. I loved you so much. I tried so hard to save you. I tried so hard to protect you from harm. That's why I was so angry with dad-because he hurt you. What am I suppose to do now? My heart is so broken.

I had a really bad day on Wednesday. Woke up crying in my sleep. I'm trying to be strong. I went to visit Kodi yesterday. Jesse went with me. It wasn't the same. You were suppose to be with me. We didn't laugh as usual. Kodi had no one to slap. It took 3 hours to get there. They closed down part of Lake Shore Drive because of protesters. They also had a Bears game going on. Bears lost. You were right they are garbage. I did an hour interview about you yesterday. I'm trying to help other people with epilepsy. They took tissue from you to try to help. I cried after the interview. I wish I could have did more for you. I wish you would have listen to the doctors and me. I looked at all my messages to you. I would always asked if you took your meds. Kayel why didn't you take your meds. I would still have you here with me. I'm hurting man. My life without you is hard. I can't sleep and my stomach hurts all the time. I went to the doctor and blood pressure is up. Stress from everything. I want you back with me. I have to get an alarm now because I don't feel safe. You were my safety. I would give my life for yours any day. I didn't have enough time!!!!

Had a dream about you last night seemed so real. Glad to know your okay and at peace, hope you come visit me again. Kayel watch over your mom she really misses you and give her hugs even if it's in her dreams. love you Mary

I miss u kayle i will never forget about you. Your alwayz in my heart...love you

I miss you kayel so much!!!

I'll will never forget you you'll always be in my heart

I went to take your roses to the nuns. They are gonna make some bracelets, wristlet rosaries, and a full rosary. I'm gonna make sure Julian, Eto, and Karen get one. They were expensive but nothing is too good for my baby. Karen came over and talked to me on Tuesday. I know why you loved her so much. Buddy has been annoying still. Please help me with him. Today I am going to hang out with Kodi. I'm gonna make Puerto Rican rice and arrancherra. Need to fatten up your skinny brother. I had a really bad day yesterday. I couldn't stop crying cuz this is the longest you have ever been away from me. I feel like I can't breathe. I love and miss you so much.

I made it through my first day back at work. My life will be forever changed without you here. I try not to cry. It just doesn't seem real yet. I'm scared to go in your room. My heart is hardened. I want you here where you belong. I know I'm selfish. I have no one to cook for. I have no one to share my crazy stories from work. Now I have to watch the arrow all by myself. I miss you so so so much. Where are you my big boy?

I sent out 100 of your "thank you" cards. 250 people signed your memorial book. There were more but some forgot to sign in. So many people loved you...including me. Jesse has been great to me. He has been there every step of the way. He misses you so much. Missing and loving you more each day

Your dad is still making me upset. I wanted to claw his eyes out yesterday. He buried your ashes. He is still selfish but I'm sure you know this already. I was so hurt, bitter, and angry. I keep trying to forgive him. I need a couple of weeks...maybe months. I miss you today as always. I will be taking Kodi back to school and I'm making Jesse go home. I think I will invest in an alarm system. I don't have my big boy here to protect me now. Why did you go in my room and find the machete? Did you really have to tell Kodi? Did you really take a picture of it?I saw your dirty greasy hand on it. You are a dirty little rat!!!I hope you are watching over me. I might need it the next couple of days. I cleaned your car out. I don't want to let go of your baby. I think I will rock it and sell my car. I love you Kayel. If I didn't tell you enough. I will love you for the rest of my life.

Your dad picked up you ashes yesterday. We still can't be civil to each other. He took half and I took the other half. Well because you are a big boned boy there are actually 3 urns so Kodi has one too. You had us cracking up. First they told us at the funeral home that you vest couldn't touch your pants because you had gotten to chubby. Then they call us and let us know you were too big boned to fit into two urns. I told you to get on that. Your mama was only looking out for her big boy. Yesterday I started on all the thank you cards. It was hard work because I am hand writing them. Over 200 people showed up for you. So many people loved you. My friend Joel came. He was telling me about the time he roped you, Kodi, and JUlian. You guys actually let him do it several times. Well we just hung out last night. Not the same without you. I fell asleep early and had to leave Kodi up by himself. I keep messing up all the names still. I keep calling Kodi -Kayel. I can't help it. I'm getting old.Still trying to figure out what to do with your car. Got to clean it out Sunday. I miss you so much. I want you here with me. Who is going to protect me? Who is gonna make me mad? Who is gonna make me laugh? Who is gonna go to the movies with me? Who is gonna show me all the new movie stuff coming out?Who is gonna eat all my food?Every time I'm in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. No one will ever get my jokes like you. Please watch over your dad. He needs you. I was pretty harsh on him. He is not doing well. I love you today and forever.

Kayel all my family came over because they worry about me. I had everyone eating here. You know I hate cooking. But they brought everything. We all looked at your ashes and your urn. I sent all the food back with everyone because there is no one here to eat with me or eat the leftovers. I really missed you on a day like yesterday. I miss you every day not some days. I try to be strong and I hate crying. But for you I shed a million tears. I would give my life for yours any day. I loved you before you were born and even after you were taken from me. Our family will never be complete. The circle broken. i miss you. I promise I will go see all those dumb DC movies next year. I know I would have went anyway with you. Son I will tell you all the things you are missing. But somehow I know you are watching us. You know already. I want to yell for you at dinner time. I want to complain about you not taking your medicine. I want to be with you. I want you to be here when we catch that ding dong ditcher. He has a beating coming. I guess if I catch him it will be 2. One from me and one from you. I can't let you go yet but when I'm ready. I will truly set you free. I'm trying to find a place where you would want to be. I want to laugh with you one more time. Although you had me and Kodi cracking up the other day. I know you were there with us. I love you my son. Sleep well. I won't wake you up yet. But I will be there before you know it!

I only cried 3 times yesterday. I know you are here with me because you had me cracking up yesterday. You still had the ability to make me laugh. I love you more today. It will be weird not having you here for Thanksgiving. Who is gonna eat all the food?Fatty I will have to throw all the leftovers away!!!You are so missed. I still want you here with me. I will see you soon and we will have our own party. Have the music ready for me. I like house music.

Kayel,

I cleaned your room dirty boy. I'm sorry but I had to pack your stuff away because its killing me. I took down your pictures because mom is breaking down seeing your beautiful smile in those pics. I didn't wash your pillow cases. I put them in a ziploc bag so when I open it I can still smell you. Boy your cover really did stink. When is the last time you washed it?I miss you so much already. Your brother is staying here a whole week with me. He ran here leaving everything to be with you. I know your dad always told me I spoiled you but it is because I loved you. When I love someone-nothing is ever enough. Buddy misses you. He has been so needy.Gosh. Oh your bearded dragon got crazy with me again. We might be cooking him tonight. Mom sends you a kiss, a hug, and a laugh so you wont miss me too much. I only put your stuff away temporarily until I heal. Man you sure are loved. Can't stop crying for you. But someone is taking better care of you now. But know this I am always with you.

may u rest in heaven ! and I pray 4 strength in God 4 ur family ! amen

I remember the first time I met Richard. He was so funny and kind. He made me feel like I had known him for years. I do not have anything but great memories of him and I am positive that goes for everyone else who knew him. Rest in peace Richard K. Lopez. You will be forever missed.

You were always such a nice guy great to talk to and easy to have a conversation with you. You will be missed rest in peace my man.

hey rich..thnx for always cheering me up and always being such an awesome friend....I will miss u so much...u always make me laugh and u always gave great advice...I will miss ur jokes and funny stories the most and especially the smiles even wen u had a horrible day u always had a smileon ur face...miss u lotsrich and may u rest in heaven...heaven is so lucky tovhave such an amazing person like u there...see u again soon rich

Kayel,

I loved you so much. You were mine. You were my son. You were my perfection. You were one of my best friends. You were my piece of heaven. I will never stop loving you. My heart will forever be broken until I see you again. Should I bring you some Mountain Dew, Flaming Hot Cheetos, and some grape Kool-Aid?You will be missed. Can't wait until I see your beautiful smile again. Can't wait until my embrace with you lights all of heaven. Sleep well my son. Know I will be with you always!!!

Love

Mom

Your smile and caring heart will be missed (MR. Slowski) Without knowing you taught me the difference between an acquaintance and a friend , so thank you for that. You were a good friend and therefore will always be in my thoughts. Rest in paradise Richard.

Hey Slowsky, I hope it's warm up there and you're laying on the beach for the both of us. You'll be missed until I see you again. Love you. "See you later"

We will miss you Kyle. We love you so much.

I love you forever. I promise to stay strong. for you and for Kodi. We all will miss you. See you later. love you -Das